連結幸福 Stay connected

儘管個性各異其趣,人類都喜歡「幸福」,前陣子流傳甚廣的一篇哈佛研究,更指出76年來追蹤,發現人生幸福的關鍵在於擁有「好的關係」(good relationships),這裡的「關係」指的不僅是親子、夫妻、朋友,而是各種人際中重要的「連結」。

小時候我常覺得沒有歸屬感,在國中階段,同班的女同學常嫉妒我,有個畫面我一直都記得:當老師宣布我這次考最高分98,同學馬上大聲回嗆「別班一定有人比她高分」,類似事件一再發生,我變得很畏縮,也懼怕別人的讚美。一直到大學,仍然在面對讚美時,感到羞赧、不知所措。

高中時期,因為家庭因素而轉學,從臺北搬家至臺南,一開始也很不適應。我心中最清晰的畫面,是同學模仿「腳印蘭嶼」課文的句子,對著我笑鬧喊「你就是課本裡所謂的臭臺北人」。這些經驗,即使時間已經沖淡當初的感覺,卻忘也忘不掉。

但很欣慰的是,當時因為有很愛我的媽媽與弟弟,我沒有因為這樣變得充滿悲傷與憤怒,在我身上留下比較多的成分,大概是恐懼。即便感到沒有歸屬感,我卻也無法讓自己真正「歸屬」於哪裡,於是我靠著感恩與內在的思考,尋找一個人的快樂,並且走到了現在。

長大以後,漸漸發現幾位很好的朋友,其實一直都在身邊。儘管我不歸屬於他們,但是在毫無顧忌地放鬆交心下,我們都交換了彼此的幸福。當然,能遇到懂我的男友,更是上天給的幸運。他總是能傾聽我、理解我,隨著我們交往的時間越久,他也懂得如何在我低潮時引導我,我們互相提點,一起成長,在如此坦白而交心的連結下,我再也沒有擔心過歸屬感的問題。

你們會說,是男友給了歸屬感嗎?倒不是如此的,是因為我終於了解,真正的歸屬感是屬於我自己的。當我能夠照顧自己,我就更有能量,維繫「好的關係」。

好的關係,從好的連結開始,而連結,是從嘗試理解與適當自我揭露開始的。我相信就如同哈佛長時間的研究,掌握幸福的秘訣,就在於能愛與被愛的智慧。我們未必要追求一個完全幸福的人生(因為不可能),但可以從小處開始,一點一滴累積「好關係」所帶來的幸福力量。

Nina.恬美天空FB


We are different in characters, but same in the pursuit for happiness. The well-known Havard study suggested that “good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being." For me, good relationships are not limited to parent-child, couples, or friends. Good relationships are any of the crucial connections between people.

While I was a teenager, I always felt the lack of belonging. Particularly, I was usually teased by my classmates because they were jealous of my academic performance. In addition, I was forced to move from the North to the South of the island during high school, making myself uneasy to accommodate.

Fortunately, I had my beloved mom and little brother who supported me and protected me from being negative. However, those experiences in my teen period had affected me quite much on the aspect of “fear". I tried hard to find my own joy by thinking of all the little sparkling things in life, and so I have grown up.

As time flies, I gradually realized there were a few true friends beside me. Although I do not “belong" to them, the time we shared were really fantastic. And of course, it is super lucky to meet my boyfriend. He is patient and thoughtful, and as we will soon turn to our third year of relationship, he is more and more proficient in dragging me out of the caves of sadness. With this intimate relationship, I seem not to worry about “sense of belonging" anymore.

You would say, “oh, so you now belong to your boyfriend!" Nope. I would not assume that because I realized, “I belong to myself." When I take good care of myself, I will gain the energy to connect my “good" relationships.

Good relationships are based on good connections. Stay connected to people you love, and you will feel the power of love as a feedback of your wisdom on relationships. Let’s enjoy the happiness brought by connections as the Harvard study recommended!

*This is a post in response to the daily prompt from The Daily Post. Today’s prompt: connected!

Visit my FB@sparlinglife.nina

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